How friends and family can help

If a woman who is being abused comes to you for help, you can:

1. Listen to her and let her talk about what's happened
It's important to be understanding and supportive. Though she may feel she caused the abuse to happen and that she is to blame, no one has the right to abuse another person.

2. Reserve judgment
Do not offer excuses for the violence and do not minimize the seriousness of what has happened.

You shouldn't worry about "taking sides" if you know and care about both partners in the abusive relationship. Offering support and helping a woman find resources that can assist her does not imply you are choosing sides.

3. Respect her confidentiality
Help her find a safe place to stay and keep details of the location from the abuser. For a woman who is abused, her safety is of the utmost importance.

In a crisis situation, it's important for you to remain calm and to offer support by suggesting options, such as an assaulted women's shelter.

4. Be supportive
Support her if she chooses to call the police.

You can assist further by helping her locate additional resources such as legal aid and counselling.

If she has no friends or abused women’s shelter nearby, she may need your help with raising the funds needed to stay overnight in a hotel. (Be creative, find out the rates, then maybe do a ‘top secret’ collection with the support of others you trust.)

Even if you don't necessarily agree with a victim's decisions, be supportive. The only exception to this, of course, is if a woman's decisions are clearly dangerous, harmful, or illegal.

5. Set limits and be clear about them
Set limits in terms of how you are willing to be involved and in what ways you can help. Be clear. Many women who are abused feel ashamed and violated—it's difficult to confide in others and to disclose abuse.

Do not breach the trust placed in you by the victim. Let her know whether you intend to do anything and, if so, what.

6. Be respectful
You may offer help and support with the best of intentions, but ultimately, a woman's decisions are her own.

Don't be offended if she doesn't follow the advice you give.