Recognizing the warning signs of domestic violence and abuse

It's impossible to know with certainty what goes on behind closed doors, but there are some telltale signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse. If you witness any of these in a friend, family member or co-worker, take them very seriously.

Clues that point to domestic abuse

People who are being abused may:

• Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner
• Go along with everything their partner says and does
• Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they’re doing
• Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner
• Talk about their partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness
• Have frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents”
• Frequently miss work, school, or social occasions, without explanation
• Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g. wearing long sleeves in the summer or sunglasses indoors)
• Have very low self-esteem, even if they used to be confident.
• Show major personality changes (e.g. an outgoing woman becomes withdrawn).
• Be depressed, anxious, or suicidal

Clues that point to someone being isolated by their abuser

• Restricted from seeing family and friends
• Rarely go out in public without their partner
• Have limited access to money, credit cards, or the car

Speak up if you suspect domestic violence or abuse!

Do: Ask. Express concern. Listen and validate. Offer help. Support her decisions.

Don’t: Wait for her to come to you. Judge or blame. Pressure her. Give advice. Place conditions on your support.

If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up!

If you’re hesitating—telling yourself that it’s none of your business, you might be wrong, or the woman might not want to talk about it—keep in mind that expressing your concern will let the person know that you care and may even save her life.

Talk to the person in private and let her know that you’re concerned about her safety. Point out the things you’ve noticed that make you worried. Tell her that when and if she wants to talk about it, you’re there for her. Reassure her that you’ll keep whatever she tells you between the two of you, and let her know that you’ll help in any way you can.

Remember, abusers are very good at controlling and manipulating their victims. Abused and battered women are depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help to get out, yet they have often been isolated from their family and friends. By picking up on the warning signs and offering support, you can help them escape an abusive situation and begin healing.