Why men abuse

Why men abuse

Most men that abuse a spouse want to assume a sense of unhealthy power and control. 

Reasons we know an abuser's behaviours are not about anger and rage:

• He does not batter other individuals - the boss who does not give him time off or the gas station attendant that spills gas down the side of his car. He waits until there are no witnesses and abuses the person he says he loves.
• If you ask an abused woman, "can he stop when the phone rings or the police come to the door?" She will say "yes". Most often when the police show up, he is looking calm, cool and collected and she is the one who may look hysterical. If he were truly "out of control" he would not be able to stop himself when it is to his advantage to do so.
• The abuser very often escalates from pushing and shoving to hitting in places where the bruises and marks will not show. If he were "out of control" or "in a rage" he would not be able to direct or limit where his kicks or punches land.

Source: Mid-Valley Women's Crisis Service

The aim of abuse, unlike the aim of sadism, is not the pleasure of inflicting pain, but the need to control. Domination is the end in itself. While a man may explain his actions by saying he lost control, what he actually did was gain it.

From the book “Setting the Captives free” by Ron Clark

Once abuse begins, it never stops it only escalates.  If the abusive situation is allowed to continue the end result can be severe and can result in death.

A man has no right to lay a finger on a helpless woman no matter what the situation. 

Many times the abused will try and cover up the abuse hiding it from friends and family.  Hiding the abuse is the worst thing a person can do.  You need the intervention and support of family and friends. 

Even if you feel you still love the abuser, the situation is hopeless and you need to place your feelings aside and do the right thing.  The situation even becomes worse if there are children involved that witness the abuse.  The psychological damage an abusive environment can cause a child life long scars physically and mentally.

If you are in an abusive relationship, seek professional help and go to a local battered shelter or social service agency (if there is one in your area).  It is time to seek help and take control of your life.  The time is over for false promises and broken dreams.