Peacekeeper or Peacemaker?

Beth Moore – a well known writer and public speaker - sometimes asks audiences an interesting question. "Are you a peace keeper or a peacemaker?"  

According to her “Peace at any cost is not true peace. If you are deceiving someone to keep the peace, it's not peace!"

There is a big difference between ‘peacekeeping’ and ‘peacemaking’. Peacekeeping is only possible when true peace exists. And it can’t be imposed; you cannot “keep” a peace that isn’t there. If there is no peace, that’s when you need a peacemaker.

A peacemaker searches for the source of the conflict, finds a way to address it, and then helps the parties to restore a proper, loving relationship.  

Although many women shy away from conflict, as wives and mothers we are often the best person in our families to step into the peacemaker role. This is because the longing to see family members living in true peace springs out of the compassion and unconditional love that comes naturally to us. Plus, women tend to have good verbal and non-verbal communication skills. This is helpful during peace-making ‘negotiations’.

These same qualities can also help us to resolve differences in the workplace.

Peacemakers value true peace, knowing that fake peace is worthless. The peace that exists between people with the courage to endure conflict, for the sake of lasting peace, is like gold when compared to “fake peace”.

Peacekeepers on the other hand tend to endure “fake peace;” sometimes for decades, even while mounting tensions erode the well being of their entire family. And interestingly, many do this because they see themselves as martyrs . . .

But being long suffering without “saying anything” is no way to live, especially if the rest of the family is also suffering because of something unacceptable a family member might be doing that affects the rest.

If you are one of those people who would like everyone to like you, you will know that keeping the peace in a troubled home or work environment is an exhausting and often never-ending task. Because so much effort is wasted on keeping tensions from rising and pretending nothing is wrong - especially if you’re fuming underneath.  When you try to cover a seething issue up to "keep the peace" it’s like putting a plaster over a festering wound; it would be far better to first treat the infection.

And this is why peacemakers allow tensions to surface. They know there is no other way to increase understanding between opposing people.

In your family or work place, it’s always best to move toward lasting peace with courage. Assume your legitimate role as a peacemaker rather than avoid conflict in order to keep a semblance of peace that is not worth having.

As women, many of us have been deceived into thinking that it's better to remain silent than to cause someone to be upset with us. But sometimes true peace can only be achieved when we speak up and stand up for what we believe in. Even if this means ending our involvement in something that’s not good for us ...like staying in a relationship or job we have no business being in.

We may keep the peace out of fear of being rejected or fear of losing someone or something. The price we pay for not listening to that still small voice that seeks the best for us is a lack of peace. Because ultimately, we will always end up back where we started, struggling with the same problem time and again.

With special thanks to Jenny Balmer who first gave us the idea for this article.