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Lee’s Story This is a true story written by a survivor of domestic violence.
I walked away from that consultation knowing that there was little to no chance of Mike ever recovering; for Mike lived in his father’s shadow – constantly seeking approval from the man who controlled ‘with an iron fist’. As a result Mike was weak, damaged beyond repair. I could see quite clearly too that this was a case of history repeating itself. Mike was raised being controlled and emotionally and physically abused, as was his own father. That’s why as an adult, Mike found the need to ‘control and abuse’ me. This was what he was raised with and believed to be right. I realised then that for my children to have any chance of living a balanced, normal life, I, as their mother, had the responsibility of removing them from the toxic family web that Mike and his family lived within. I began detaching. I had to. I loved my children more than life itself, and their future happiness lay in my hands. Mike moved back into the house in July 1998. He had convinced himself he had changed, and that our life together would be better. I knew he was delusional, and there was no hope left. I began preparing for my exit from the marriage. During the remainder of 1998 and throughout 1999 I worked hard at developing my little music business. I also became increasingly involved in my community policing work. I was in effect empowering myself and building my self-esteem in preparation for my ‘exit’. Throughout this time there were countless incidents where Mike would attack me while under the influence. He continued to drink almost on a daily basis. I did damage control and focused on getting myself emotionally and financially prepared to get out (and stay out) before it was too late. Little did I realise during these months just how close the ‘too late’ would come. Sure I had my police friends – and yes, they would have been quite happy to intervene should I have asked them to. But the reality was that I had to flee safely AND become self supporting. This was something the police could not offer me. I intended for my exit date to be around March of 2000. I really wanted to remain in the area as that was where my business and friends were. My mother lived 20 kilometres away, and I neither wanted the hassle of commuting, the cost of fuel associated with this, nor did I want to become a burden to her. My ‘careful planning’ came to an abrupt halt on the 30th November, 1999. It was the same old scenario, Mike arriving home late at night, full of drink. The abuse started almost immediately. “You whore’, you useless bitch of a wife I married”. I tried to avoid him, but he followed me from room to room. Penny woke up, and Mike started on her, telling her what a whore she was! The next thing I knew, Mike had the revolver out of the safe. “Tonight we are all going to die” he threatened, before putting the gun back into the safe and going to the toilet. I quickly re-opened the safe. First I emptied all the bullets out of the revolver and stuffed them into my pocket. (I knew that by doing this I was risking making the situation worse because with a revolver - unlike an automatic firearm - you can see at a glance if it’s loaded or not.) Then I grabbed the box of ammunition, and hid it under my pillow. I managed to close the safe within seconds of Mike coming out of the toilet. Penny and I walked out of my bedroom to try and distract Mike from thinking about the gun. But in minutes he was in the living room with us, waving the gun around. Penny screamed at Mike to stop but he simply ignored her. He walked right up to me. Although poor Penny, now 13 years old, had wedged herself between us, Mike just pushed her aside, and pointed the gun right up against my forehead. I kept my eyes firmly focused on Mikes, to see if he would notice that the revolver was no longer loaded. But he never did. He held eye contact. Then he pulled the trigger. He intended to kill me there and then! When the gun clicked instead of going off, Mike jumped back in surprise. Then he hit me over the head. “So you think you’re smart huh Lee? You bitch,” was all he could spew out of his mouth. Then he retreated to our bedroom. Completely traumatized, Penny and I hardly slept. Thankfully Mike left us alone for the rest of the night. But I knew then that the March exit date was no longer realistic. Our lives were in danger, even now; and SERIOUS danger. We all had to get out immediately. Mike got up the following morning. As usual, he carried on as if nothing had happened the previous night. He must have realised he had caused tremendous damage though, because before he left for work, he opened up my car’s bonnet and pulled out some wires so I couldn’t start the car. That didn’t prevent us from leaving. Penny and I packed what we could in record time. My friend, Christine, came to collect us. We filled her car with whatever we could squeeze in, then the children and I jumped in. Just as we were reversing out of the drive, Mike arrived. I was terrified. But as he stepped out of his vehicle, Christine floored the accelerator, speeding off like a seasoned Formula One racing driver. We were out! I looked back and saw Mike standing in the street. He seemed confused, like he couldn’t believe what was going on. He didn’t follow us. I knew then that was the final ‘escape’ I would ever make. There was no going back. The children and I moved in with another friend of mine who lived nearby. With Christmas just around the corner, Penny was finishing off her final year at primary school. I was in the middle of school concert rehearsals. I knew that financially I had a problem. But we were out of immediate danger, and I just knew in my heart something would give and a plan would be made. Amazingly, the help I so desperately needed would soon come in bucket loads, and from a surprising source, changing my life and the lives of my children forever . . . To be continued. “If just one woman, trapped in an abusive relationship is able to find the emotional tools to leave and better her life through reading my story, then writing it will have been worth it.” – Lee |