Lee’s Story
Chapter 7 – Claiming my life back

This is a true story written by a survivor of domestic violence.
Names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved.
Copyright - Lee & Wonderful Women 2009

What freedom! I had just spent the last three hours attending a community policing meeting at our local police station with two of my female friends. And Mike had stayed home to baby-sit; amazing.

Still, as I approached our front door, my stomach churned at the thought of what was waiting for me.

With little Reece not yet asleep, Mike was agitated. Luckily he showed absolutely no interest in the meeting. So, playing things down, I just casually mentioned that the meeting was interesting.

The very next day things started happening.

First I took a call from Mary. We discussed ideas on how to proceed with this new venture. Later I received calls from several policemen and Defence Force members asking if I was going to join up with them. Knowing they wanted me on board - I will never forget that first moment I experienced a new sense of self-worth.

Whether these Crime Buster’s had sincere motives or not didn’t really bother me at all. I felt there was something I could do to help reduce the crime in our suburb, and I was not going to let this opportunity go by.

Within a week or so, the girls and I had drafted a notice to invite all the people in our street to a meeting. Copies were delivered to every house. At least half of the residents we invited turned up for the meeting.

We then expanded this interest to the entire neighbourhood and within three weeks held a second meeting at the local recreation centre. During this meeting a committee was established. And Mary was voted in as Chairperson while I was appointed secretary.

Just one month after our first meeting at the police station, we had succeeded in establishing a body of people ready and willing to get involved in the fight to rid our suburb of crime.

While all of this was going on, Mike was becoming increasingly edgy. Fortunately there wasn’t much he could do to stop me. But when the time came for me to attend the second evening meeting at the police station he finally cracked; flatly refusing to spend another evening looking after Reece while I ‘whored’ around. So I simply bundled Reese and a big bag of his toys into the car, and off we went.

The professionals / organizations listed below offer support to victims of domestic violence and other types of abuse in Dubai and Gauteng, South Africa.

If you believe you or your organisation should also be on the list, or know of someone who does, please e-mail sue@wwnetw.com.

There are additional resources for abused women on the Wonderful Women website – www.wonderfulwomennetwork.com.

Human Relations Institute (Dubai) (971-4) 365-8498 & 365-8578
www.hridubai.com
is linked to The Foundation for International Human Relations, Washington, DC and offers a wide range of Psychology related services. With multilingual and multicultural professionals on board they combine both Clinical and *Forensic Psychology to effectively assess, treat, and consult on cases where domestic violence is involved. (*Forensic psychologists translate psychological information into a legal framework, usually for the purpose of testifying in court.)  

The Restorative Justice Centre
(Pretoria, South Africa)

Tel: 27 (0) 12 3232926.   Contact Suzanne Robinson-Davis suzanne@rjc.co.za, www.rjc.co.za
deals with domestic violence situations.

Johanna Richmond in Dubai,      
Tel: 050 345 8076,
E-mail: johannarichmond@hotmail.com 
      is a psychologist, counsellor and cognitive behaviour therapist who can help women to develop boundaries and become more assertive.                                      

The police and Defence Force guys were in good attendance and astounded at the turnout from the residents of our suburb. For the first time in years the police felt a unity with community members, and it was all due to the hard work of Mary, Gloria and I.

Instead of becoming Police Reservists, the girls and I decided that we would rather work with the Defence Force, and so became involved in the Defence Force Safety Plan. Meetings were then set up with the Top Brass whose jurisdiction we fell under. Afterwards, a process was set into action that moved at a faster pace than any of us ever expected.

I still couldn’t quite get my head around the fact that I – yes, little Lee - was sitting at a table discussing serious crime issues with a Colonel from the Army and that my input was taken seriously.  

I had a new lease on life.

Mike soon became an irritation.

I was spending more and more time in the evenings over the road at Mary’s house, planning meetings and action, and typing out minutes and the like.

Mike’s sarcastic comments about the community policing project became mere words; going in one ear, and straight out the other. Whenever he would try to intimidate me, I could suddenly see him for exactly what he was; a man trying desperately to hold onto the ‘controlling power’ he once had over me. But it was slipping through his fingers. I simply shrugged him off as if he was of no significance whatsoever. I knew that I no longer feared him, and he knew it too.

You see, I had made ‘friends’ with the very people that were there to uphold the law, and that law included protecting women who were on the receiving end of domestic abuse.

Back in 1993 I had taken out a Protection Order against Mike. Now when he tried to yield his abusive power over me, I was quick to point out that all it would take was one phone call, and I’d have him locked up! Knowing that I really could was very empowering. But these first few months of associating with the Police & Defence Force members offered me so much more:

  • I regained the self esteem Mike had robbed me of
  • I got back my sense of self-worth
  • But most of all, I no longer felt that fear that had been all consuming.

Of course Mike hated it that the playing field was beginning to level. He became threatened. He was losing control over me yet he couldn’t do much about it. Predictably, in response, he drank more.

One night Mike came home very drunk and after the verbal abuse kicked in, he made it clear that he was not afraid of the police and that he was going to kill me before I could get much more involved with my community project.

I remember him lifting his hand to hit me, but this time, instead of instinctively throwing my arms up defensively, I grabbed a small screwdriver off the piano, and stabbed it into Mike’s chest. He was shocked. I was even more so that I’d had the courage to do it. Swearing at him, I told him I’d kill him first. Then I ran to the bedroom.

I was left alone.

Mike was not badly injured that night. Although his ego was ripped apart, and of course he now had a little hole in his chest to remind him that ‘Lee had taken all she was prepared to take’.

The following day, my children and I moved into Mary’s house across the road. We spent three weeks there, while Mike called constantly, begging and pleading with me to return.

He was pathetic. Promising to ‘change’ – and apologizing over and over.

I had heard it all before. Yet instead of him succeeding with his sympathy-seeking efforts, as he had managed to do so many times before, I got incredibly annoyed by it all.

I was no longer ‘vulnerable little Lee’, living in constant fear of the man I called ‘husband.’

I had become ‘Lee, fighter, survivor’.

And now all I had to do was ‘get out’ - once and for all.

To be continued.

“If just one woman, trapped in an abusive relationship is able to find the emotional tools to leave and better her life through reading my story, then writing it will have been worth it.” – Lee