Could you live a happier life?
Harvard social psychologist William McDougall, after seeing that people can be happy while in pain and unhappy while experiencing pleasure concluded that there must be two types of happiness:
- Feel-good happiness: Sensation-based, this type of pleasure is caused by events like joking around or eating. Ruled by the law of diminishing returns, sensation-based pleasure highs get harder to come by. So this type of happiness is fleeting.
- Value-based happiness: The sense that our lives have meaning and fulfil some larger purpose stems from a spiritual source rooted in our deeper values. Value-based happiness is felt when we satisfy any of the 16 basic desires that are meaningful to us. Not governed by the law of diminishing returns, value based happiness is lasting.
How to increase your value-based happiness
- From this list of 16 basic desires, mark whether the statements describe you strongly (+), somewhat (0), or very little (-)
- The ones that describe you strongly show the keys to your happiness
- Pick the 5 or 6 that are most important to you. Satisfying these will increase your happiness
CURIOSITY: I have a thirst for knowledge. -----
ACCEPTANCE: I have a hard time coping with criticism. -----
ORDER: It upsets me when things are out of place. -----
PHYSICAL ACTIVITY: Physical fitness is very important to me. -----
HONOR: I am a highly principled and loyal person. -----
POWER: I often seek leadership roles. -----
INDEPENDENCE: Self-reliance is essential to my happiness. -----
SOCIAL CONTACT: I am known as a fun-loving person. -----
FAMILY: My children come first. -----
STATUS: I am impressed by people who own expensive things. -----
IDEALISM: Compared with most people, I am very concerned with social causes. -----
VENGEANCE: It is very important to me to get even with those who insult or offend me. -----
ROMANCE: Compared with my peers, I spend much more time pursuing or having sex. -----
EATING: I love to eat and often fantasize about food. -----
SAVING: I hate throwing things away. -----
TRANQUILITY: It scares me when my heart beats rapidly. -----
Examples of how you can satisfy your basic desires
Relationships
Since we have the potential to satisfy our basic desires through relationships, we can find greater happiness by finding new relationships or by improving the ones we already have.
Now that you know the basic desires that are most important to you, perhaps suggest that your partner also takes the quiz. If you compare lists, strengths in the relationship will be revealed by similar desires and weaknesses by differences.
Work
Oprah Winfrey, for example, desires both honour and idealism. Coming from an abusive and underprivileged background, she now uses her talk shows and celebrity status to help others; young underprivileged schoolgirls in Africa for example.
Her less than happy beginnings have gone from a source of displeasure to a source of happiness in Oprah’s life.
One way to become happier is to find a position that is more fulfilling than the one you have now. For best results don’t lose sight of your most important basic desires.
-If you have a high desire for acceptance, you need work that exposes you to little evaluation or potential criticism.
-If you have a high desire for order, you need a work environment where there are few grey areas or changes.
-If you are a curious person, you need a job that allows you to think.
Leisure
Did you know that participating in sports produces similar feelings whether you’re a fan or a player? That’s why so many people watch. So they can repeatedly experience feelings of competition, loyalty, power and revenge.
Going to watch a movie can have a similar effect – depending on the plot of course.
Spirituality
One of the deepest ways to satisfy our desires is through spirituality. We can satisfy the desire for honour by embracing the religious denomination of our parents. A psychologically important attribute of religion is the emphasis given to the desire for unity, or to open one's heart to God. At least for some, faith is a path toward greater value-based happiness.
Values, not pleasure, are what bring true happiness, so the good news is that anybody can live a happy life, provided they stay true to their own set of values.
Bibliography: “Who Am I: The 16 Basic Desires That Motivate Our Happiness and Define Our Personalities” by Steven Reiss, Ph.D. (Tarcher / Putnam, 2000)
